Her son Aaron died 19 May 2014

“I still see him when I’m driving. Sometimes I see somebody walking from behind and I see him. And I want to turn round. I’ve even followed people before and thought “this is stupid”. It took a while to click in that he’s not here. 

It’s incomprehensible, to tell you the truth.

People say they know how you feel, because they’ve also lost their cat or their dog. Or even their parents. I mean, I lost my mum when I was three, and my dad later who was my world and yes I was heartbroken, but it’s nothing like Aaron. There’s nothing like losing your child, and them taking their life.

How do you find the right words when someone has taken their own life? I haven’t words for it either, if I’m honest. 

Big parts from that time are shut off in my brain. My counsellor told me, after the first 3 or 4 meetings, she didn’t think I was going to be here much longer. She thought I wanted to join Aaron. 

If I didn’t have his photographs all around, I don’t know what I’d do. And there’s a special video that some of his friends made. If I’m really low, I put that on and it makes me laugh.

I think my friends helped me. Friends and just talking, doing different things. We used to have little girls get-togethers, we wouldn’t go out, just at each other’s houses.

I slowly went back to work and that was my saviour in the end, the work. I carried on past retirement, because it kept giving me a reason to get up in the morning.

So I slowly got back to what I thought was normal life.

But there’s always been something missing. I’ve definitely changed. I’ve quietened down a lot. 

No, I’ve never been the same, never been the same.